The War Against Carpet - Prequel and Day One

It has come to this:  the carpet must go.  It is now required to wear a HAZMAT suit when walking on my carpet, and I feel that this is inconvenient for my guests.  It was also hard to find a suit that fit the dogs.

Once the decision was made, off to Home Depot I went, and purchased some wood floors!  For ease of conversation, these are laminate "click" wood floors, but I am going to call them wood floors.  Feel free to correct me, but know that I will ignore you.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

I talk to Bob, the Home Depot guy.  He tells me that installing these floors is easy, and will only take a few hours.  He also tells me that with my husband's help we should have no problems.  I don't know who this "husband" is but he seems like a handy guy.

Floors should take about 10 days to be delivered.  I get free delivery since I see no point in paying for something I can get for free online.

Saturday, February 20

Phone rings:

Home Depot: "Would you like your floors delivered at 6:30 am?"

Me:  "NO"

Tuesday, February 22

6:30 am:  Floors delivered.

10:00 am:  Move furniture from front room (this is what I call the dining / living room) to the garage and family room.  I opt to leave the ridiculously heavy sofa bed and work around it.

Product Placement:  EZ Sliders make moving any furniture easy.  It is the best $10 I have ever spent.

I feel efficient and highly motivated.

I drop dining room table and it hits me right above the knees.  I writhe in agony, but I also know this will probably not be the first injury sustained in this war against carpet.  We could call it the Furniture Battle, where I sustain injuries but emerge victorious.

12:00 pm: The Battle of the Tile ensues.  Another injury, hammer smashed on hand, but I carry on, brave soldier that I am.  Also, shards of tile apparently are very sharp, my hands and shoulders are bleeding but this only makes me feel more proud of my stamina.

3:00 pm:  I am woman, hear me roar?  Screw that, I call Dave my handyman friend.

3:30 pm:  Dave surveys damage and suggests alternate strategy.  1.  Acquire appropriate weapons, I mean tools.  2.  Remove baseboards.

Dave cannot resist the lure of rescuing a damsel in distress and goes home to restock arsenal.

I take this opportunity to eat and lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling.

I cut the baseboards and am ready to remove once Dave returns, fully armed.

Note:  It is not that removing the tile is difficult or complicated, I just don't have the upper body strength.  I pound away for about 3 minutes at a time before I get dizzy and my arms get numb.  I then have to rest by leaning on a pile of tile and panting heavily.  This is not the most efficient use of my time.

Jane stops by to review the progress.  Her and Natalia, the cleaning lady, both agree that I made the right decision to call Dave.

I remove the baseboards while Dave finishes removing the tile.

7:00 pm:  Anna comes home with dinner.  I crawl to the couch and we watch Pretty Little Liars while eating dinner.

8:00 pm:  The Battle of the Carpet begins.  This is more of a small skirmish and the carpet surrenders immediately.  Anna cuts the carpet while I carry to the curb.  I try to cut, but my arms are now the consistency of limp noodles and I cannot make a fist around the knife.

10:00 pm:  I cannot push my body any more and retire to my bed for a much needed sleep.  I feel that I could have gotten a lot more done if I had not wasted so much time with the tile.  But overall it was a good day.  The Battles were won, but the War will be continued tomorrow!